I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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