I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
