Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
