Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
