even my farts smell like vagina
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
