OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
