I must be too annoying 4 u.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My feet surprised me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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