thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
