I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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