I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
