Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
