Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
