i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
