After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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