My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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