I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
