I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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