I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he's gonorrhea incarnate
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
