i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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