Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
