So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
