he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
