you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sober January is a disaster.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
