The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How external is "for external use only"?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."