Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.