I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"