Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The best revenge is premature balding
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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