so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He shit in the fireplace
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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