Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.