hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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