Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
