You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
