so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
