You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
