so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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