Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
