Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
