It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
