Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
