roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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