so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
