it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
