The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
