I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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