ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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