I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
