i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
