Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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