I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
