I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
