Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
