so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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