I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
