i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
