Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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