just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
4 words: hood of his car
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize