they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
