Having a random hookup so left but love u
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
