No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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