You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
