Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
50% drunk capacity currently
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
