maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
