woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
