so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
