Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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