I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
