Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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