I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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