I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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