I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
