My Higher Power is John Stamos
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
