The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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