I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
tell me about the eggs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
