96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
