The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
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Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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