You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
