yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
