I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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