and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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