Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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