broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
