the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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