ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
