Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
