Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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