Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
