So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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