I accidentally burped into my bong.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
