What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
