He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
