Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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